Here on the frontier, There are falling leaves, Although my neighbors are all barbarions…And you? You are a thousand miles away. There are always two cups on my table.

Who drives a van with no reverse???? 

No one in their right mind maybe?

No reverse, that means no backy- uppy.

What the heck? How can the van have no reverse???

Imagine that said in a very loud voice, mine to my mild-mannered husband.

Tell me dear, how long has this piece of crap van not had a functioning reverse?

Weeks??? This is unacceptable. (That’s me being patronizing).

We were in Annapolis on a date. Yes kids even after 30 years of marriage this grandma and grandpa go on dates. That’s all you need to know.

We were going to walk along the waterfront after dropping an oil drum at a restaurant. It was 10 p.m. I was driving the van which had about 8  (200 gallon) empty drums behind the seats. I had pulled in to a parking spot behind the restaurant when my husband started shouting, “Don’t park head in, don’t park head in!!!”

WHY???

“There’s no reverse!!!!”

WHAT????? No Reverse???? Honey that is just messed up….

Too late, I was parked. Husband got out and had to push while I gunned the engine of the van-from-hell to try to force some backward movement. We need help. Some guys walking by came over and put their weight with my husband’s and the van was pushed out of the parking spot.

I climbed into the passenger seat muttering, I am not driving this lousy piece of….

We pulled to an alley behind the restaurant and parked on the street. Husband unloads the drums. It was dark and vacant back there. I kept my eyes open for trouble from the relative safety of the van-with-no-reverse.

“I’ll be right back.” and husband jogs off. What? Where is he going? Leaving me in this dark alley in this good for nothing van! I was outraged.   Until the police car pulled up alongside the van. Great!

I started to get out of the van until the cop shining a flashlight in my face yelled “Stay in your car!”

Okay fine, you don’t have to yell.

Now my heart is pounding in my chest. I am sitting in a dark van with several very large oil drums in it. I have a rag tied around my head.  It’s only been 5 days since Osama was killed, and Annapolis, if you don’t know is neighbor to DC. The security is tight.

I figure I have 2 maybe 3 minutes before the Cavalry shows up and my face is on the pavement. I’m scanning the van to think could Bart or my husband have any weapons on board that I need to declare to the cops  but I don’t dare move, especially not to look for a weapon. No that will definitely raise the ire of the cop watching me and probably get me shot. No I’ll just sit quiet-like and curse my husband for running off and leaving me here.

Then just as suddenly the back of the van flies open and it’s husband grabbing out another drum and talking a mile a minute.

“They need another drum, they are doing a bang up business, saw 2300 people in the last 2 days…” he doesn’t see the cop.

The police car rolls forward as my husband is carrying the clearly empty drum off the van. The cop slowly drives off. I want to cry.

Husband gets into the van. “Now we can take that walk on the waterfront! Romantic!” He rubs his hands together and smiles like a kid.

Take me home.

“What???”

Just take me home.

“I don’t understand you.”

You just ran off and left me here. There was a cop who yelled at me to stay in the van. He thought I was a terrorist or something.

“You’re fine, there’s no cop.”

There was! Now take me home.

“Try to do something nice for you…”

Just drive. Oh and first thing tomorrow this ‘gadawfulpiecacrap’ better be at the mechanics!

No reverse! Give me a break!

“Wow! That’s nice talk dear.”

I can laugh about it now. But at the time? I was fit to be tied. No reverse…who drives a car with no reverse……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

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Comments on: "The Annapolis Date And The Van-With-No-Reverse" (12)

  1. Aw, how romantic. 😉

    If this was last week, it was Commissioning Week, which does bring about more security. I’m amazed that you would even find a spot, even if it wasn’t usable.

    • There was a lot of foot traffic in the proper parking spot which made backing into the lot harrowing.because there were no mirrors that showed the behind of the van. I wasn’t that used to driving it.
      No worries about me going back to do drum drops that’s for darn sure!
      Nice to see you again!!!

  2. wow. I’ll be honest, I was kinda hoping you were gonna tell me you were forced up against the side of the van and patted down. I mean that’s kinda where it looked like you were going!!! I’m happy for you that it DIDN’T go there, but…well…the only excitement I get around here is the abandoned car parked on the street that may or may not have a dead body in the trunk (again, that’s me trying to make things exciting).

  3. I am glad you can laugh about it now, because well – I admit. I was chuckling. The visuals were too clear not to chuckle. Your fault, really. You write well. So …

    Rest assured, I would not have been chuckling at the time. Moreover, I would not have handled myself as nicely as you handled yourself. Good job in maintaining a sense of controlled composure. I would have lost it. Lost it. I doubt I’d be laughing yet, either. 🙂

    So. Does reverse work now? I mean, did the van go to see the mechanic? ~ Lenore

  4. Truth? You want the truth? Just for you, only you, Lenore.
    The next morning Bart (22) is getting his work order and eating, I laid into him. “How can you be driving that thing with no reverse….!!!!!!! Where is your father?” Now everyone in the house is scared, even Hoo is apologizing and he is only 22 months.
    “No one is going anywhere in that van!. I am speaking English here am I not?”
    Long story short. Work order revised, van went into the mechanics.
    Who drives without a reverse??????

    • And that, my friends, is how one gets reverse installed in a van. Honestly, why do boys make it so hard? (smile)
      For the record, though I’ve never heard your voice, I have a pretty good idea of what you sound like with the question, “Who drives without reverse????” I believe your tone is the same tone of women everywhere. 🙂 Me, included.

      Way to get the job done, GMom!

      • I’ve heard your voice on the bowling youtube with your adorable sons. Too Cute!
        I’ll try to get Rose to upload one for you from me.

  5. You had me at “no backy uppy!” 🙂 This was HILARIOUS! Truly a great post. I was laughing all the way through. Totally made my night. You are so funny!

    I love the way you look at the world. Somehow you sounded like a grandmother, a teenager, a wife, a girlfriend — I sensed all the romance and the chaos — great stuff.

  6. Who wants to go backwards anyway? Look forward, man!

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