Here on the frontier, There are falling leaves, Although my neighbors are all barbarions…And you? You are a thousand miles away. There are always two cups on my table.

This is how I remember it.

This is how it was.


It’s called a secondary cancer.

A migratory zone.

Where the cells go to garden.

The brain.

We  sat in the waiting room praying for him.  Losing hope as the hours passed,

as the 7 hour surgery turned into 22.

Finally, the surgeon came out and told us what we already knew.

It was not good.

But for now he was in recovery.

My sisters and I stayed at the hospital and waited for a chance to visit him, for the chance to see that he yet existed and was still amongst us.

At some point in the night the nurses removed the breathing tube.

He spoke in a broken record, PeeWee Herman voice not his own.. “tumor tumor tumor”.

“Tumor’s all gone, honey, tumor is gone.”

I didn’t know if he heard or understood me as he continued his senseless mutterings.

Suddenly, he turned towards me and with  eyes unfocused and snapping left-right, left-right said

“Sing sing sing sing”.

So I sang,

to my brother.


Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone.
I hear you call my name and it feels like

When you call my name, it’s like a little
Prayer. I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you
there. In the midnight hour, I can feel your
Power. Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there


The hard part wasn’t his leaving.

The hard part was being left.

He stayed long enough to say goodbye.

This is gmom,

peace out.

Comments on: "Remembering Jeff: Like A Prayer" (9)

  1. gmom, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I was particularly touched by the words “the hard part was being left”. I was a Neuro Intensive Care Nurse at one point – so many unhappy outcomes.

    Tomorrow marks the 31st anniversary of my mom’s passing and I am working on a post regarding that. Your poignant sharing inspired me to actually post and share it (I usually write something and put it away, now that I have moved, I cannot find the collection and I am saddened by that).

    Thank you for sharing your memories and affirming your love for Jeff.

    • Thank you for that. I wasn’t sure myself whether to share it. But there it is. I really loved the nurses who took care of Jeff. They were always so upbeat and caring. Amazing to be a nurse.

  2. Ah Gmomj that was beautiful. That’s all I can say. xxoo

    • Thanks for visiting Kim. Jeff would have been your kinda guy. He could put a whole apple in his mouth and eat it. Sense of humor I mean, off beat and hilarious and very politically incorrect.

  3. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I read. Then, scrolling through the comments I come to Kim, the G is silent and your response. The tears turn to laughter. The thought of your brother putting a whole apple in his mouth. Having never met him, I can sense his laughter and see his smile.

    Death sucks for those left behind. Amen.

    Hugs to you GMom.
    ~ Lenore

  4. Your brother was lucky to have such a gifted sibling to honor his life after he left this world for the next. Peace out.

  5. Great post. Thanks for sharing this sincere story.

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