Here on the frontier, There are falling leaves, Although my neighbors are all barbarions…And you? You are a thousand miles away. There are always two cups on my table.

Archive for the ‘comedy’ Category

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What Does The Fox Say

For my first song on my first ever playlist on my new awesome phone it had to be Ylvis.

But to be honest it was a toss up between “The Fox” and “Someone Like Me“, equally weird and great.

Second song on gmom’s awesome playlist,  Hoo’s favorite, ” Blurred Lines” uncensored.  Hey hey hey….Hey hey hey…

Third song, “Hallelujah”,  Jeff Buckley version, natch.

Fourth, Alter Bridge, “Watch Over You“.

What’s on your playlist????

This is gmom and Hoo.

Livin’ the dream on the Potomac.  

peace out.

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Fun Teaching Letters To A Toddler

Quite easy (sort of).

Fan out the lettered tiles in front of your 2 year old.

Point out letter “A ” and repeat frantically “A A A A…”

Encourage 2-year-old to find the same letter while dangling a blue ice pop over his head.

Give lots of praise when child inadvertently gets letter correct.

Show lots of patience when 2-year-old throws tiles into the air,

puts tiles into nose and down his shirt.

Continue until child’s nap time or until you reconsider sending child to pre-pre-pre-K.

Laugh.

Have fun.

Be ready for alternate creative play preferably including feet.

By the way, I’m the Grandmom.

The mom in the picture is my daughter now in nursing school.

She turned out alright even though the raising of her was

not so much a loving mom and child but more like a hostage situation.

This is gmom.

Living the dream.

Peace out.

Montessori Daycare For Hoo

 

Hoo started to attend a Montessori daycare program.

Can you say “Baby Yoga”?

It’s a step up from his earlier daycare to be sure.

Great facility, well run with trained staff.

Could we ask for more? Uh uh.

His late afternoon caregiver is a very serious Russian woman who takes her responsibilities very seriously.

Each day I get a “poop-report”.

How Hoo napped, what and with whom he played with and his general disposition.

Today when I picked him up she gravely intoned in her deep Russian accented voice,

“Hoo deed not eet hees lunch. Hoo only eht hees rahzohns.”

She somberly shook her head.

He only ate his raisins?

(Yikes!)

I’m not quite sure what to do with this information,

but it sounds like Hoo is off to the gulag if he doesn’t get his noon chow down.

 

Cujo The Dog, MSW Petting Optional

Say something Cujo

For the second time in as many weeks a young woman showed up unannounced at my door. The first time she came she  said she was returning a CD that was borrowed long ago. She lingered (in the middle of my workday) until finally I asked her if she was running away from home. Lingering? I don’t know what to do with. Running away? I can handle. She left quickly after I asked. My kids always say I’m too blunt.

Today when she showed up  there was no CD to return. It was just her.

“Running away again?”

Can I just come in for a while. I just need a place to cry and have some quiet.

I sat with her for a moment while she pet ‘Cujo The Dog’.

“Do you want to talk?”

No, but can Cujo stay with me?

I showed her to the den, gave her a box of tissues and a drink.  She patted the couch next to her and Cujo jumped up and settled in by her side (traitor).  Furry traitor.

About 2 hours later I heard her call to me that she was leaving.  She smiled as she bid her farewell to ‘Cujo The Dog’.

I don’t get it. Cujo is alright as dogs go but when I share my problems with him he lies on the floor and puts his head under the couch.

“Hey, You’re suppose to be helping me here, not hiding under the couch!”

Oh well, that’s life in the fast lane. What we can’t do for each other we can sometimes do for a stranger.

This is gmom and Cujo ( The Traitor Dog),

peace out.

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. Charles Wadsworth

When China was a little bug, (my daughter not the country), her sleeve caught fire. We were lighting Hannukah candles when she reached over the burning flames. I slapped the burning sleeve out. Husband and I examined her burned sleeve and her arm amazed that the flames never touched her skin.

Something similar happened to Egg, (my second daughter not chicken fetus). We do a lot of candle lighting in our religion. She wanted to blow out the Sabbath candles when her hair caught on fire. My mother standing nearby and I brushed the fire out as fast as it started. Egg was fine.

She turned her 3-year-old self around and smiled at us wondering why we were patting her head. She never knew how close she came to setting herself on fire.

If you are a parent then you know what I’m talking about.

You’ve swept food out of little mouths before they choked. You’ve caught your child mid-fall in the playground and set them on their feet to run and play.

For older kids. We fill the gas tank when we know they are going out. We check the tires. Twice.

The 17-year-old boy that comes to pick up your 14-year-old daughter for a date!?

That boy never makes it in the house! You know what I’m saying?

We watch out for the foreseeable problems our children are headed toward and run interference.

Kids, they are like the quarterbacks running with the ball. They may not see their teammates (parents) behind them tackling the opposing players, but they are there.

Funny. If a touchdown is made they dance around like monkeys. If an opposing team member takes them down they are just as likely to look around at their own team(again,it’s us,parents)  and say, “Where were you guys?”

It’s often a thankless job parenting. Until our kids have children of their own they may never understand why we do what we do.

“I’d catch a grenade for ya, put my hand on a blade for ya..”.  Heard that song?  It shouldn’t be a boyfriend singing to a girl.

It should be the parent’s anthem.

This is gmom.

peace out.

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Animals, They’re All Animals!

My favorite is the beat-box rodent.

What’s yours?

This is gmom,

peace out.

Good Gifts (and bad) For Wives : Husbands You Can Take Notes On This

Everyone likes to get a good gift. A gift that demonstrates that the giver really thought about what the the receiver would like.

Women are typically good gift givers. Men not so much.

So I’m doing you guys a favor and spelling it out for you.

Newsflash!  Flowers are not a gift. They are a thoughtful gesture or an accompaniment to a heartfelt apology.

Roses go really well with, for instance,… “I borrowed your car,

left the tank on empty and didn’t tell you.

I am fully accountable for you being late for your meeting.”

Newsflash!  Unless the girl is a teenager don’t give candy. Almost all women are watching their figures and don’t appreciate the sabotage.

It’s a classic blunder.

If we want chocolate we’ll buy it for ourselves.

Good Gifts:

1. Diamond stud earrings. Guys don’t try and get creative with all the pretty colored stone  jewelry out there.

The classic diamond stud can be had pretty inexpensively. Just one word of warning don’t buy the size for infants unless your wife is a dwarf, then it might be okay, I’ll check.

2. Gift Certificate to a spa. Most women will really appreciate your thoughtfulness. Showing your love by giving her some pampering is going to win you big brownie points.  Most guys think their gal wants to spend her special day with him.  I don’t know why guys think this.

3. Gift Certificate to her favorite shoe or clothing store. Don’t risk buying what you “think” she would like and worse yet, guess her “size”. That’s a night on the couch for sure. And don’t buy sexy lingerie guys, it’s so self-serving.

4. Short on time or inspiration? Buy a Kindle and a beautiful card with a return gift receipt. She will love it. Unless she is blind and only reads braille. Then you screwed up.

Bad Gifts. Very very bad.

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1. Membership to a gym. (Can you spell divorce court?)

2.Gift Card to Home Depot.

3. An Appliance.  Unless it’s something she specifiacally asked for, found the one she wanted and taped a reminder to your shaving mirror.

4.A home cooked dinner. No explanation needed right?

5. A mop. Thanks to Silverado for this one. Inspired.

Guys I just want to say, your welcome.

I know you needed this information.

Gmom is here to help. I’m just like that. I’m a helper person.

Now, what was the best and worst gift that you have received?

This is gmom the helper person,

peace out.

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