Have you ever been told to go to your happy place?
Go in your mind to the one place on earth that you most want to be,
A beautiful beach.
A mountain meadow.
A rolling hillside in Ireland.
A holy place you once visited and never forgot.
So many times I’ve coaxed women, who in the clutches of labor pain to envision their happy place and go there.
I’ve spent hours whispering to them words of encouragement, that they can endure, that they can breathe through the most intense pain, and most often they do. I leave them holding their perfect beautiful infant at the breast.
In the last few weeks, so many people have told me to go to my happy place.
I’ve searched for it. I’ve even tried physically to go there.
What a crock.
I’ve gone through 6 labors unmedicated.
I’ve had my spinal nerves ablated.
I’ve done it before, I’ve found the strength to go …somewhere.
But now…I’m lost.
My happy place must have gone with the recession.
I can’t feel my strength, my breath.
How can I find my happy place if I can’t find myself.
Where did I go ?